


Sin

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-30
Updated: 2005-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:05:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex fears himself. [10/21/02]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sin

## Sin

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. They've been throughly washed and fluffed and dried. Especially Lex. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

Spoilers for Hourglass 

* * *

He's not an angel. I know that. Somewhere I know I'm not the devil, but I might as well be. I fear sometimes that I will become evil, but then I think I'm just weak. I try to be strong, cold, arrogant. All the things that a Luthor should be. 

I'm weak. I miss my mother. I miss the way she wasn't afraid to touch me. Not often, I mean she was a Luthor too, but she didn't act like it hurt her. After she died the only people who would touch me without fear were well paid. Sometime I would hurt them, sometimes they would hurt me, but at least they weren't afraid then. The scars were proof that I was alive. Proof that I wasn't impermeable. 

I hate being touched sometimes because it's never real. Like my father. He rarely touched me voluntarily. After the meteors he barely touched me at all. Everything has to be complicated. Even Clark. _Especially_ Clark. I want him to like me, I want his friends to like me, and as sick as it sounds I want his parents to like me. I want Jonathon Kent to look at me the way he looked at Clark after the factory. 

That's what makes me weak. I want acknowledgement. Is it too much to ask for to not be alone? My father would say yes. Then again he's not here. Nobody's here to watch Lex Luthor's pity party. In the morning even I'll be embarassed by myself. Everything will be back to normal. What ever that means. 

Cassandra saw something about my future, and it killed her. Will I be alone forever? Will I become what I fear most, worse than my father? Clark was supposed to save me from that like he saved me from dying on that bridge. 

I keep going back to the car. I have to understand what happened. I have to know. How can I stop myself if I don't know the truth? Is it even possible? Am I doomed to become the vision that killed her? 

God, I hope not. 


End file.
